Destructive Aggression: Turned Against the Self, Turned Against Others

Aggression is the other major link between my work as an attorney and my work as a therapist.  Aggression can be healthy or destructive. Healthy aggression is an innate force in all human beings. It is our vitality, our life force, our impulse to move out into the world, and to go after what we want.  When our natural aggression is met and supported during development, it is transformed into healthy self-esteem, confidence and assertiveness. 

Destructive aggression is healthy aggression gone awry.  It develops when an individual’s spontaneity and aliveness are thwarted, blocked, discouraged, even crushed during development.  When this happens the natural aggression still has to find an outlet, so it becomes distorted and is channeled into behaviors that do not serve the person’s further development.

The two primary ways that healthy aggression is distorted is for it to be turned inward, against the self (imploded) or outward, against others (explosive). Each of these ways of responding creates its own set of issues that often bring people to therapy. 

Aggression Turned Against the Self

When aggression is turned against the self, an individual learns how to make themselves and their needs unworthy.  They hide their true thoughts and feelings, focus more on pleasing others than on pleasing themselves, and live life more as a reaction than a spontaneous event. Over time this leads to self-doubt, difficulty asserting one’s needs in relationship, and insufficient confidence to pursue the life they want.  They struggle with their esteem, feelings that they are not good enough, and doubts about the validity and importance of what they have to say.  In order to keep some of these difficult feelings at bay and maintain a sense of self-worth, these individuals often become overachievers and workaholics.

Aggression Turned Against Others

People with imploded aggression tend not to cause problems for others.  Their issues manifest more personally and their suffering often goes unnoticed.  This is not so when aggression is directed outwardly, against others. The results are much more obvious.   Individuals with explosive aggression manifest their issues in their environment, whether in their personal relationships, the workplace or the community. 

People, who direct their aggression against others, tend not to be comfortable showing anything that could be perceived as weakness or vulnerability. They present a tough persona to the world and frequently intimidate others.  Their relationships tend not to be reciprocal. In relationship, they can be authoritarian, controlling and emotionally abusive.  They attack others when hurt, rather than acknowledge their vulnerability.  They have trouble managing their anger, and often express it in damaging and humiliating ways. At the far end of the continuum are people who act their aggression out violently, leading to contacts with the criminal justice system. 

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